I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
