Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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