I just pynch a tree in the face
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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