i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
