WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
