Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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