god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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