I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize