I should be sponsored by Trojan
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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