In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
