I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
