the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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