Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't deserve a penis
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
