walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
