I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
