winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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