Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
