Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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