Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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