it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
