i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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