I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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