It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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