Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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