Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
