Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
