he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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