I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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