How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
