how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
