Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Come see our sink grown plant.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
