Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize