Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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