Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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