every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
