Non-Jews are for practice
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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