NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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