I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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