i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
