if only i could text you this smell
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
