When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
