Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
