Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
