I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
