We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize