Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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