so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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