kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
