i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
