Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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