DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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