The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize