I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
