We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
