Sry I called you an 8
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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