12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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