Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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