im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize