Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
