you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
