oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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