i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
