A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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