Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
