my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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