She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
