mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
