My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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