is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
