you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
