I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
honey bunches of taint.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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